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2005-02-27 - 4:02 a.m. - missing i havent been up this late in a long time. too long, in fact. i think i hate it. i used to be up until this late and later, no questions asked. it was part of who i was, it was expected that i would be the only person you knew whose light was still burning until the sun came up. in fact, if i got to bed before the first few rays of light, i almost felt guilty. that was how it was, for years. now, i feel like a rebel if im still up at 3, and if i wake up later than 10am i feel worthless all day. im a nine to fiver. but not one of those nine to fivers who wakes up to an alarm clock at the same time every morning, makes a pot of coffee, takes a shower, reads the paper, has some breakfast and then leaves for work. no, im one of those who wakes up 8 minutes before i need to be in my car, brushes my teeth and puts on whatever i was wearing the night before, sprays on some perfume and runs out the door, goes to starbucks on the way to work and is usually about 10 minutes late. i miss the long nights. i miss being manic. i miss living on coffee and popcorn. i miss smoking cigarettes on my balcony alone at night -- my mind alive with ideas, keeping me awake. i miss the inspiration that comes when youre truly alone. i miss who i was when i called all the shots. so then, is that what's missing? me? |