">this is me (take it or leave it)

2005-02-15 - 11:59 p.m. - aunt jane.

my step dad's sister, aunt jane, died this morning of complications due to an illness she had been struggling with for a long time.

though i cant say that i was close to her, we had grown much closer in the last few years. she lived in florida with her husband and was always interested in what i was doing. my mom would tell her stories about my life and she would email me every once in a while to show her support.

when i dropped out of college to pursue my music career, she was excited for the growing success of my band.

when i got us opening slots for national bands, she was thrilled and wanted to hear all the details.

when i was starving and struggling to pay my bills, she encouraged me and made sure that i knew how much she loved me, even though i wasnt her biological niece.

in 2003, when i got the gig playing bass for a band in LA and had to pack up and move out of my apartment, pay off my bills and take a one-way flight to the other side of the country, i made the difficult decision to let down my pride and ask my relatives for help. i wrote a very long, vulnerable letter asking my relatives to donate money toward the cause of my musical career.

out of everyone i sent the letter to -- my grandparents, my biological father, my aunts, uncles, and cousins -- aunt jane and her husband were the only ones to contribute. they sent me a check and told me that they believed in me, that they knew i was going to succeed.

they were the only ones.

and now here i am, almost two years to the day, living on my own in california with an incredible job in the music industry and the promise of a long and successful career. and one of the few people who truly believed in me and my potential has passed on.

in physics i was always fascinated by the idea that one misplaced drop of water can change the volume of the entire ocean. i like to think the same thing of people. and today i know that the volume of the human race changed.

aunt jane will always be a part of why i will succeed. when i was sitting on that plane to LA in 2003, i thought about the few people outside my immediate family who believed enough in me to help me get there. and with every step i have taken towards my goals, i have never forgotten the moment i realized that aunt jane was my only relative outside my immediate family who knew what i was going to become.

she was a drop of water that changed the volume of my life, permanently.

i hope that she knows that.

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