|
2004-09-18 - 2:05 a.m. - nother day, nother dollar despite the fact that everything appears to be falling into place, somehow i still feel lost and unsturdy. i dont quite have my balance. it's been forever since i had one of those moments where i catch myself smiling, amused by my own life and how much i love it. have i turned my back on the thing i love the most? have i given up on the dreams i once had? how come, back when i really wanted something, i could never quite get it--but now that i dont know what im after, everything is falling into my lap? last night i went to green day's cd release show in LA via free tickets and VIP passes under benji's name. i watched the show from a private room upstairs in the back, and at one point paris hilton walked through the room and out the back door that led to the rooftop afterparty, which i also attended. i hung out with some of the most important managers on the planet and before i left i was introduced to billie joe by one of them as the girl who works for kevin and the warped tour. today i went to a pre-emmies guestlist only party in the hollywood hills where you get a huge canvas bag at the door and walk around getting free stuff from all these clothing companies and cosmetics companies that have tents set up. all you have to do is tell them who you are, who you know, or who you work for. the more famous you are the more stuff you get. tori spelling was in one of the tents getting her nails done. some guy from alias came up to tell us about his charity. cato cailin or however the fuck you spell his name was there. there were at least two playboy bunnies wandering around looking bored, complete with the tattoo. tonight i went to see my chemical romance and face to face at the house of blues on sunset via my friend who techs for face to face. he is also the tour manager/second guitarist for alkaline trio. he took me out for dinner at justin timberlake's restaurant after the show, then i dropped him off at matt skiba's house and came home. blah blah blah i mean it's neverending. every day this week was a different person, a different level of success, a different connection i would have killed for a year ago. but now it's just... part of my job. so here i am and what does it all mean if i still get paranoid about the same old shit, and i still have the same things about my personality that suck, and im still not satisfied with where i am in life? all i want is to feel quenched, but what do i even thirst for anymore? |