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2004-08-25 - 3:46 p.m. - what's in the back of my mind is killing me back home yesterday, exactly two months from the day i left. i could have easily kept going, forever. but every tour must end and now im dealing with the post-tour depression and anxiety that always hits me in the form of a stomachache. i feel like im at arm's length from everything around me. i think this is my method of survival. i dont deal well with change. tomorrow i could get fired and my whole life could be different. i could end up a rockstar or a housewife, depending on one conversation that i might have at 10am tomorrow morning. i used to not be scared of anything but lately ive been feeling overwhelmed with fear. fear of the future, fear that ive lost my sense of joy and lust for living.i need to get that back. for now, i'll just keep eating chips and french onion dip. |